wow. i can’t believe it’s almost been a month since my last post… i don’t know the last time i let my blog go this long…. some of my a muse addicts have informed me that even though i have been crazy busy.. i should take up iphlogging more 😉 ( i’ll try and remember that girls…)
hmm.. where to start….
well my trip down to the queens ink went well and the classes were great 😉 patti and her staff really do make you feel like a queen 😉
while i was in MD i got a phone call that i never expected… it was one of my mothers sisters letting me know my mom had passed away. she was 48.
since i was in the midst of teaching, out of state etc… i had a flurry of emotions… i havent spoken to my mom in over 4 years, and even at that point it was pretty brief… i really havent had contact with her for over 15 years.
my mom had made some poor decisions and at a young age i needed to be strong and do what was right for me, as simple as that…..
i came home from MD and headed up to NH to go through her things… every wall in her apt was covered with framed pictures of me growing up… mixed emotions i was still feeling…. i came home to the island with a box of photos filled with memories.. some i had forgotten, some i remembered and was thankful to have pics to see…. and some i will enjoy getting the story behind one day with my dad.
i am sad that i have lost the mother i knew as a young girl….. but part of me reminds myself i lost her a long time ago
i am sad that she was never able to fix things….
i am angry that she was never able to fix things….
i know i will struggle with these mixed emotions for a long time… but i know it all just makes me stronger….
and then i have 2morrow…. october 16th.
it’s the anniversary of watcher’s death…. last year i spent his last day with him.. holding him… comforting him.. and in true watcher style… he held on as long as he could.
going through my mothers things i found a watcher "baby" photo… i was there when he was born.. and was able to take him home early in life.. so he was super tiny…. sooo cute. i will cherish this photo. i was 8 years old when he became my 4 legged best friend… and the many things i went through in his 20 years of life…. he was always there…. i’ll never forget the night i got the call that my grandmother had passed away… i was sobbing.. and immediately he was at my side.
watcher was and is such a special part of me, one i will never forget and will always cherish….
i think 2morrow i will tell harley all about " watcher the wonder kitty"
(i promise to be back up and running with this blog… with more uplifting and creative posts… SOON!)
Jen I am SOOO very sorry to hear your mom’s passing. These pictures of Watcher are simply precious. They brought a flurry of emotions for me. Thank you so much for sharing your wonderful memories and photos with us. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}} my friend!
Tracy
wow Jenn. I don’t quite know what to say because I know the estranged relationship you had with her. But please know I’m thinking of you and sending hugs!
Thinking of you and loving the pics.
I’m sorry to hear about your mother. I am vrey sorry that so many things were left unresolved. I know it can make so many things difficult. I know it will be difficult going through your anniversary of losing Watcher…I know how special he was to you…You are in my thoughts.
My thoughts are with you ~ Hugs.
Dear Jenn,
Was so sorry to learn of your mother’s passing. She was much to young to leave. Glad you were able to retrive some pictures of little Watcher and you and your Mom in happier times.
She did love you in her own special way and the proof is in the pictures she kept.
This ia a very difficult time for you but rest assured that there are many people who care about and love you.
We are here if you need us.
Noreen
Oh, Jenn. Your post just made me so sad for you and all your heartache. Cyber hugs to you, my friend! Take care
Jenn I am sorry for the emotions you are feeling. It sounds like you are handling them much better then I expected you too. Remember guilt is something we put on ourseleves and isn’t necessary.
I enjoyed seeing Watcher’s pictures.
I’m thinking of you. Lots of hugs and love.
Wow, you have had quite a time recently.
I’m so sorry about your loss; but as you said, it wasn’t really a “new” loss…
Still, it’s permanent; and I’m thinking of you while you reconcile all your feelings…
So glad you found the pictures of Watcher…what a great companion he was for all those years. Our pets can be the most comforting thing in our lives! I am happy you have the extra pictures now, and the best to you always. You are a wonderful, special person! 😀
Jenn, I’m so sorry to read your news. Thinking of you (((HUGS)))
PS That picture of baby Watcher is soooo cute!
ps… I’m glad you’re back in blogland… I missed you
The picture of baby Watcher is TOOOO stinkin’ cute! I love that you found that… that would be the silver lining??? You know I love you & I ALWAYS here (no matter how hard you may try to get rid of me… I mean sending me cross country – come on;) you’ve got to do better next time!) mwah xoxox
Oh miss jenn/princess stampypants I am sending all my ((((hugs)))), prayers and anything else that you need at the moment to help you through these difficult days. Remember Watcher with love, enjoy Mister Harley “kit’en’s” love and when the time is right you will have peace over your past and remember the good times not necessarily with love but with affection.
You are so right about the past giving you strength and that is what makes you the person you are today. Someone that is loved by so many and thought of as a true friend. Take care and remember if you want ANYTHING all you have to do is call!!!
aw…I’m sorry to hear of your mom’s passing.
No matter where you were with your relationship it can’t be easy for you.
You’re having a rough week. Take good care of you!
i am sending a plethora of positive thoughts your way, jenn.
may you be comforted by your cherished, warm memories of them both.
*
Oh Jenn – I am so sorry for your loss, and I am thinking about you today. {{{{{{jenn}}}}}}
We’ll have a drink together in Seattle and talk about “lost” relatives. I, too, have lost them before I really lost them. Take care of yourself.
hello, my love. I know you already know everything I could say right now. 🙂 I will tell you that this line from your post:
“i know i will struggle with these mixed emotions for a long time… but i know it all just makes me stronger….”
…was a perspective I’d never really thought about, but is so true. You are wise and strong because of your past, and you will continue to grow going forward.
Funny how Watcher and little Fuzz will share a departure date… Maybe they are playing together in pet heaven. Though not so sure Watcher plays nice with rodents… hee.
I love you!! Always!!
{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}
I bet Mister Harley is a real good listener.
I am thinking of you. I am here for you. I am sad for you. This is a seriously tough time for you. That kitty picture of watcher is amazing. So glad that you have that and that Harley is here now to help get you through this. You are one strong girl.
Jenn, so sorry to hear the news of your mom. That’s never an easy call, no matter if its been four days, or four years since you last spoke. ((hugs))) to you in this rough time. Enjoy some smiles courtesy of that sweet little mischevious kitten!
aw, Jenn what an emotional time for you. Know that you are thought of, admired, and loved by so many.
Sorry about your mom’s untimely death. Way too young to die. I imagine her physical death is like mourning her loss for the second time. Hope you find comfort in family, friends and those good memories you have of your mom when you were young.
no words… just emotions. thats what *estranged* BFFs are for. lovelovelove, m
I’m so sorry about your Mom, Jenn. I am sad that she hadn’t made things right with you.
I also can’t believe it’s been a year since you lost Watcher.
BUT, I’m so happy you have your little Harley to come home to.
HUGS
Joanie M
xoxo.
Hang in there. I imagine you are being bombarded with a mixture of emotions. It sounds like you have a wonderful network of friends, and a beautiful kitty, to help you through. Be strong.
I’m so sorry about your mom, Jenn, and about Watcher’s anniversary. xo Kim
Hugs Jenn.
i’m sorry for your loss.
and like i’ve told you before, i’ve been there so if you need to chat or vent email me.
xxx
So sorry for all of these emotions you’re going through lately. 🙁
I’m so sorry about your mother. I know the feeling of losing a parent even though still alive. I lost both of mine like you say a long time ago way before they actually died a physical death and mine are both still here. It leaves a hole in your heart no matter how you try to change that and now you have the additional finality to deal with. I always wondered what it will feel like when they “really” die. They feel dead already to me. Gosh I’m sorry for you. Like you I too have fur friends that got me through everything that humans failed to. I have a dog but my daughter has an orange cat that looks like watcher named punky that is my only grand baby. I remember when you talked about watcher when he died. Hugs to you.
Oh sweet Jenn, I am so sorry about your mom. I don’t know what else to say except that anytime you want to cry over a couple of margaritas I am THERE for you, babe. You are one of the smartest, strongest women that I know, and I am certain that the things that shaped your life have everything to do with the person you are now. But it doesn’t take away from the complete suckiness of your mom’s death, or the weight of Watcher’s anniversary. Just know you got lots of folks out here who think you’re a pretty amazing chick….
Wow! What a tough week for you! I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s passing, even if you were not close to her in many years, I’m sure you will be going through many emotions.
Wish I would have planned my trip to MD around your teaching at the Queen’s Ink…I’m headed there tomorrow with a few friends to do some shopping.
Hugs to you…